My Little Hexlings,
This is just a short message, because you are with me, safe and sound, in bed, and so right now I feel at peace and like the luckiest person in the world. Just to have this moment. With my precious two.
You are visiting me and we are having a great time together, but today we had a not-so-great (to understate) day, a day we’ll be talking about for some time. In the meantime, I want to focus on the positives and tell you ten things I LOVE about our time together thus far. I am grateful:
- THAT YOU ARE HERE. THAT WE MADE IT. (Yes, my loves, I drove thirteen hours to you through the night, cried and held you, slept for seven hours, and drove thirteen hours with you back to Buffalo. Supermum strength and the power of love fueled the mission and we accomplished it– together! Not only that, but we reached our destination, Shakespeare Hill, in time to see the BPO’s Shakespeare Concert, and even though the two of you complained, you still ate popcorn and hot dogs and cooperated so that Mummy could bliss out on being with you in the midst of some of her favorite musical pieces, like “So In Love” from Kiss Me Kate! I am so proud of us.)
- THAT THIS ROOM IS A MESS. (Can you believe it? I’m actually grateful that the bedroom is a mess because it’s a mess with *our* stuff and because it’s an indication that we’ve been on the go together, having adventures. I’m staring at cups and hair bows and sandals and Jolly Ranchers and it’s beautiful!)
- THAT WE WENT TO CHURCH TOGETHER (Well, that you two went to Waffle Church and I went to Chapel Church at St. Paul’s, but more importantly that we all went to church together and were in a safe-house of divine love and mercy together. Pastor Tim and Pastor Wendy welcomed us with open arms, literally, and it felt so good for me to bring you there. I met Pastor Tim a few years ago when I was trying to figure some things out about church and religion. At that time, I was not allowed to receive communion at the church that I was attending because their policy did not allow for it. Pastor Tim said something to me, after I was very honest with him about myself and my issues and struggles. He told me I was God’s daughter, and that I belonged and was welcome. He also gave me hope that really bad situations can, in time, get better. That really helped me. Now that I am living in Buffalo, I can become a member at St. Pauls, which I was not able to do at my last church. It felt kind of weird for me to be invited to communion by Pastor Tim and Pastor Wendy, too. I haven’t received communion since I was in high school and went to a Catholic church. We can talk about why I stopped going to church and why the issue about communion is painful for me, but the important thing right now is that I met with Pastor Tim a couple of weeks ago and we talked about communion, and I decided that my reasons for not receiving communion when I was invited to do so were not very good ones. So this past Sunday, while I was sitting in church and the two of you were downstairs at Waffle Church making bat caves to discuss the idea that God is light in a world of darkness, I decided I would go up for communion for the first time in so many years. I started to feel scared and like I physically couldn’t do it, but then, Elan, you showed up by my side in the pew. You said you missed me and didn’t want a waffle, and wanted to stay with me. And you nestled in and held onto me tightly, like you’ve been doing since you were a baby, my clingy monkey. As I held you under my arm, I felt very calm and resolved. I said, in my head, “If she stays and is here when it’s communion time, I’ll go up. If she’s not, I won’t.” But then I felt myself wanting you to stay, which, to me, also meant that I wanted to go up. So when it was time for communion, I asked you to walk up with me, and I held your little hand oh-so-tightly, and I walked up with you at my side, even though I was shaking inside because I was scared. I’m crying about it now, as I write this, because it was such a gift to me to have you walk by my side to receive communion. Tears welled in my eyes when I was handed communion and all I could feel was immense gratitude and an an overflowing of emotion. Pastor Wendy blessed you and held your sweet little head, and when we got back to the pew and I wiped my eyes, you noticed I was crying. You said, “Are you crying?” I nodded yes. And you said, as if you knew, “Happy tears.” And I nodded yes. Then we went to get Darah and she was thrilled because she had made a friend and had a great waffle. As we were walking out of church to leave, Pastor Wendy chased after us. That made Mummy’s morning because Mummy really likes Pastor Wendy and was hoping you would meet her but thought she might be too busy with the baptism she was doing to do so. She made time for us. She came after us. She came to meet both of you and to welcome you and to invite you to the church– and to tell you that it is your church and that you can visit whenever you are visiting Mummy. It meant so much to Mummy that she did that. I can’t wait to go to church with you this Sunday, on the Sunday before we take the trek back to your house. I love Pastor Wendy and Pastor Tim, and I am happy you met them.)
- THAT WE HAVE GREEN THUMBS. (You know that thumb that Mummy slammed in the car door that was all yucky, numb and dead? Well it came back to life! And to celebrate we painted my new thumb nail green- and, in fact, we painted all our thumb nails green, in honor of the will to live, which is the green thumb in us all.)
- THAT THE FORCE IS STRONG WITH US. (My Jedi Knights, we are now officially on a quest to establish and maintain justice and peace in the world– you have now been introduced to Star Wars, and, not only that, but you are now big fans. That is music to the universe’s ears. I am new to Star Wars, too, so we are starting out on this journey together, in more ways than one. So far we’ve figured out what Jawas are — and it only took us three days; we got your Great Nana to try to sit with us through one of the films –she said it was the most dumb thing she ever saw but we know the truth: she only pretends to be a storm trooper… we know she’s a Jedi Night at heart (shhhh!); we’ve established that Darth Vader is Mummy’s boyfriend (AND father! Freaky); I proved to Darah that Leia really did have it for Han Solo despite all the Peanut Gallery’s nay-saying (she loved him; he knew); and we made Star Wars references to each other, like real deal nerds! Good stuff. Elanah, you declared Star Wars your “favorite movie ever,” and Darah, you told me I was “worse than Darth Vader” when I was insisting that you eat dinner at a restaurant of your disdaining. Honeybuns, the force is strong with us and it always will be! Good always wins over evil, my loves; because love came before hate and it outlives even death!)
- THAT DONALD TRUMP CANNOT WIN (–at least not if Elanah The Ewok has anything to do with it. Have I told you two lately that I love when you talk in your sleep?)
- THAT WE HAVE A GREAT BIG SUPPORT NETWORK (of wonderful people who love us and are cheering us on– you met some of our network at Kate’s beautiful shower, you met some at the Shakespeare in the Park cast party, and you seem to meet them wherever you go, and they all fall under the heading of “family.”)
- THAT WE ARE A FAMILY. (Which means we stick together through the good times and the bad, through battles with the sandpeople and members of the Evil Empire. Fortunately, during this trip, there have been mostly good times and very little evil to combat. And one of the major reasons for that is because you have a wonderful biological family, including and especially your awesome Aunt Missy, your Uncle Brian, your Dimpy, your Gramma Sue, your Uncle Billy, your Aunt Kate, your Uncle Joey, your Aunt Shannon, your Nana… the list goes on and on. Even Melissa Etheridge givse us -and our rad funky dance moves- the green thumbs up!)
- THAT WE HAVE A HARPER. (One of the absolute highlights of my time with you has been seeing you with your cousin Harper: the two of you bring her so much joy and she brings you both so much joy; it warms my heart and fills me with happiness to see you together in harmony.)
- THAT WE HAVE FIVE MORE DAYS (IN BUFFALO) TOGETHER.
I want to stay and write to you all night, but I know you will be up in less than six hours so I have to end this and close my eyes…
But before I do, I want to tell you how proud I am of you for being so brave, for being so calm and compassionate, and for being just the way you are.
Now I go to snuggle against you in heavenly bliss.